what is hitsuzen?
Meaning, it has to happen. And it happens for a reason. Whether you like it or not.
The more I thought about it, the more it made sense.
All I ever wanted was to study overseas.
Because I just experience different cultures and to just be in a whole different place.
Studying was kinda optional. LOL.
But there is a problem, I have no money.
So, I spent my A-levels, working hard, hoping that I could achieve a scholarship
And when I got my results, they were good but not great.
But I wanted great.
So for a moment, it felt like my dreams were completely crushed.
But life keeps moving, the sun keeps rising and nothing stopped.
My parents enrolled me for a course locally.
I was sad. Maybe, even a little crushed but I said nothing.
Then, I thought.
What did this mean?
Why wouldn’t the universe let me study overseas?
Did I do something wrong?
I thought further. If I did study overseas, what would it mean?
I would be alone, without family and I may or may not cope since the course I choose is rather difficult.
At the same time, I would have to work part time because I’m not rich. And that would be hard.
So, juggling all these might crush me.
But I remembered that I wanted this so much that I told the universe, that I would pay any price.
That I would work part time and study if I have to. That I was willing.
I told myself I would get good results too so that it won’t be a waste going overseas.
But maybe, the universe knows that I might not be able to survive. Maybe, I would crack and it didn’t want me to crack.
Maybe, it wanted me to go overseas on better circumstances, happier circumstances.
So, maybe, this is what has to be done.
Maybe, the universe prefer crushing me now so that I don’t go insane later.
Even though I was willing to study hard and work part time all at the same time.
The universe thought it wasn’t necessary.
Because right now, my parents could afford my degree and I don’t have to worry about money whereas if I went overseas, I would have to worry.
Here, there is financial assistance.
And here, my family is here if I ever need them.
I don’t have to work.
All I need to do is focus on my studies so that I graduate in the best class.
So, maybe, this is what the universe felt is better for me.
Maybe, this is what that needs to happen.
I’m still a little upset over my crushed dreams but at least, now, I have accepted it.
I can move on. Finally.